Preparing Myself

I took Noah to Gymboree today. He is still in the Level 3 class which has 12-16 month olds. He is 22 months old so he stands out. He is already a big boy but when he is with these children he towers over them. I wonder whether it is better for him to stay in a class with these younger children and work on communication development or whether he should be challenged by children his own age and observe their behaviors.... I plan to ask our therapists about this. I asked his Gymboree teacher about when he will be ready for the next class. She hesitated.... she told me that the last few classes he is "acting" like all of the other children. So, we are seeing some progress. I just don't know if it is realistic to think that he is going to act just like children his age. It may not happen. If that is the criteria for moving to the next class we may be waiting a long while.

This got me thinking about something that really bothers me.... Right now we can hide what is going on with Noah to an extent. But not for much longer. His age hides the disability he is struggling with. Very soon however it will be obvious to everyone that he isn't like his peers. I am dreading his second birthday. I know that sounds horrible. It will just be a reminder to me that he is struggling. That he isn't able to say words like other two year olds. That he may not even comprehend that he is getting gifts or pay attention to his birthday guests. I am preparing myself for this time to come. I know it will be so hard for me and my husband. It is hard enough that we are grieving but we haven't had to deal with the public's opinion. This will come soon.

God, my heart aches for my little boy. I want him to be healed. I want him to be whole. I want him to be happy and healthy. Lord please hear my desperate plea.