Days like today.... Remind me how far we still have to go and how much autism has impacted our life. I have felt so strong these last couple months and then one family get together turns me into a mess. I had to deal with family members today that don't care about what we are going through with Noah. They talked to each other about their nice normal lives never once asking us how we have been doing, or how Noah has been coming along with therapy- Not one question! Noah, even though he is more aware, cowered in a corner as they looked at him like he was a zoo animal and tried to get him to engage. His cousin who is 2 months older was talking up and storm and playing with all of his toys and communicating easily with relatives. My heart ached as I compared him to Noah (I know that I shouldn't, but I did)....In that moment, I felt as if all of our hard work and all of Noah's progress didn't seem so big after all. After everyone left, I cried. I wonder if our lives will ever be the same after the diagnosis of autism. I wonder if I will ever feel truly happy again. I look at pictures of myself and I don't know the person I have become. I don't even look like myself anymore... I look exhausted and depressed, where did I go?
I feel like this family event, my birthday party (of course!), ripped away the scab where I was healing.....and I am raw.....once more.