Monday, December 31, 2012

Goodbye 2012! Welcome 2013

This has been THE absolute hardest year of my life. Without a doubt. In addition to selling a house and moving, we watched our only son go inward and eventually get diagnosed with autism. The last 5 months are a blur to me--- fear, anxiety, depression, grief, anger, panic..... questioning God, losing faith, feeling completely alone.... I constantly got in arguments with those people closest to me- I was taking my feelings out on them.

Don't get me wrong, I am still struggling with this new reality we are faced with. But something inside of me has changed. I don't quite know what it is. I just have felt different these last few days. I feel like I am preparing for the fight of my life....for a great battle. But I have a sense of calm and peace in this storm. I have a game plan. I have read and researched til I am blue in the face. I am on multiple waiting lists for ABA therapy. I have an EEG scheduled and a doctor's appointment lined up. I have a Medicaid Waiver application processing. I have an online ABA training program selected while we wait for ABA to start. I have planned a budget just in case we get no financial help. I have started Noah on GFCF diet and have started to add supplements as well. I am choosing to trust God.

I don't know why God has decided to allow this. I just know that He has. I will do everything I can in my power to help Noah and when I have done everything---I have to trust that God will take care of the rest. I am choosing to TRUST. I am choosing to have PEACE. I am choosing to have FAITH in the unseen. I am making the choice every minute. Fear continually creeps up inside of my heart and I have to battle it... I have to constantly choose to TRUST God. He loves Noah much more than I do and He has good things in store for him... and for us.

So I am saying goodbye, farewell to 2012. I am welcoming this coming year of 2013. I am praying for a good year. Full of progress... resources.... help.... support from friends and family.... time with family.... enjoying our little boy..... a year full of learning and growing... a year of TRUSTING God with Noah and with our lives.

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